The last few days have been the most stressful of my life and while a lot of this isn't to do with writing I think I need to get it off my chest. Apologies for my irrelevancy.
Ben and I looked at a house at the weekend. It was a glorious, huge four-bedroom new build in the centre of one of the quietest little neighbourhoods I've even had the pleasure of being in.
When we had decided we wanted it we asked if they were putting in flooring. They said no and that if we wanted flooring in our new house we'd have to pay a extra £4k. Trying to find £10k for the deposit was going to be difficult enough. We said that the sales lady should ask her manager because that would be the thing that made us say yes.
That evening we got a phone call with 'no'.
I smiled and said I was relieved, it meant we didn't have to deal with money worries associated with buying a house a little too soon because of a once in a lifetime deal.
Then I cried, tried to pass it off as floods of relief but I was so upset. I got it out of my system, mourned the loss of a gorgeous house and got on with my life.
Until I got a voicemail from the sales lady with a story.
'Jess, I went to a sales conference in Chelmsford today, the director accidentally tipped a cup of coffee over me. He said, "oh no! Whatever can I do to make it up to you?"
'I said, "well, you can give flooring to the couple eager to buy plot 125." He agreed and you can have to flooring! Isn't that great!'
I sat at work and cried, I had a miniature breakdown on Twitter, could do nothing to get in touch with Ben and spent almost two hours trying to hold back tears whilst at work.
To make myself feel better about the loss of the house I'd convinced myself we couldn't afford it. We'd have to borrow too much from parents, the monthly repayments would be too much, Ben wouldn't be able to pay off his credit card.
Then to know that you can have the house after convincing yourself that it was a bad idea just leads to all sorts of terrible conflicting emotions. We went to see Derren Brown that night, those few hours were the only time I didn't think about that damn house. Ben was swinging more of to the side of saying yes whereas I was very indecisive but swinging towards no.
In the morning I woke up, went downstairs to see Ben making me a cup of tea and I said to him, "let's do this." I kept thinking about how devastated I was when I was told we couldn't have the house.
The sales office for the house is shut until tomorrow but first thing in the morning we are going tell them YES!
Things will change dramatically over the next few months, I need to reign in my shoe habit for a start...
What I'm trying to get at is that all of this has taken a toll on my creativity. All I can think about is a huge lounge, reading corner, space for the cat to play and all the wonderful things that await us in our own house. I managed to edit 20 pages today which puts me at 58/160. Sanctuary draft three will be done before things get any more stressful. While I'm worrying about where to hang a picture, my selected readers will be immersing themselves in a post-apocalyptic London in 2098!