Fiction Friday - Looks can be deceiving

After following a link from Twitter to NewtoWritingGirl's blog I saw a prompt for Fiction Friday from the Write Anything blog. I thought I'd have to give it a go.

The prompt - 'Looks can be deceiving.'

Here is my (unedited) entry:

I'd known Frankie for at least a year but I didn't really know anything about her, not beyond the fact she was pretty, blonde and above average height. The most I'd got out of her about her past was that she'd lived in Alaska. But then we were all quite secretive, I'd been in jail twice, hunted more unsightly beasts than you could shake a stick at and was probably a little more trigger happy than I should've been.

Frankie seemed nice, normal - well apart from invading the personal space of anyone and everyone she met - and she was a good hunter. The vampires were scared of her, she'd made a name for herself. And that's why it didn't surprise me that she'd volunteered to go and talk to the leader of the blood-sucking wankers.

We sat in the car at the cross roads, it was a warm night, the sky peppered with clouds and the moon just about breaking through, casting a silver light over the road ahead. Frankie leaned over me and switched off the head lights. Everything in the car was plunged into black and white, there was the darkness of the leather and then the bright whiteness of Frankie's skin and hair in the passenger seat. She looked at me with wide, excited eyes. "They're here," she said.

Standing in the middle of the cross roads was a group of three vampires.  I hadn't even seen them arrive. I reached into the back for my bag, full of guns, holy water, stakes and whatever else I'd been able to get my hands on in the rush to get here. Frankie laid her hand on my arm. "You stay here."

She was out of the car before I'd even had a chance to argue. I didn't want to go against her, I could see the vampires from here. I was back up.

Not five minutes into her conversation with them did it start to rain. Huge, heavy droplets that reduced my visibility so much that all I could see was Frankie in that floral dress, the vampires were little more than darker smudges on a dark background. I could've turned the engine on and started up the windscreen wipers but maybe the vampires didn't know I was there. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. Frankie would signal if she needed help.

Lightning cracked across the sky followed shortly by a roll of thunder and ahead something was happening. A light was forming around the group up ahead. Did Frankie seem taller? I was vaguely aware that one vampire had dropped to the ground, probably now no more than dust. The silvery light now engulfing the cross roads was growing brighter.

Another flash of lightning. I saw car headlights swoop past me. It took a while for the spots of brightness to disappear from my eyes. It was so quiet now. I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes and tried to blink away the spots. I looked back at the red lights of the car and back to the cross roads. It had stopped raining. As soon as I saw Frankie lying on the ground I got out and raced over to her. It didn't register until later that she was dry and ice cold, I picked her up and put her in the car. I couldn't wake her and I couldn't find a pulse but she was definitely breathing. I wasn't sure what I'd seen through the rain-soaked windscreen but whatever had happened, one vampire had run off and the others were now no more than channels of dusty water running off into the neighbouring fields.


Would love for some constructive criticism and also to see what you've come up with on Fiction Friday. Feel free to tweet me @Jetlbomb.